malsecretion

My life is apuppet show!

2005-12-21T11:21:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had the feeling of being controlled like a puppet?
This is my story these days. I plan my tasks everyday, go over my plans times and make sure that everything is going to happen just as I have scheduled; but…
There happens the unexpected from nowhere. So I have to switch to another plan. You know what? I am really tired of repeating to myself that “ this is the best for you”.

A lifetime contract

2005-11-30T04:00:00.000-08:00

I also signed the contract.
Under “Terms and Conditions” it read: There is everything out there ; fame, power, ecstasy, passion, money, sex…
Mesmerized by the glory of this mirage we all rushed into an agreement without paying attention to the last line that specified: “This is a one way contract and can be dissolved at any time by any means including heart attack, car accident, cancer, earthquake, Katrina…”

Running out of time

2005-11-25T11:00:00.000-08:00

I feel devoid of all the parameters that define me. I keep myself busy with stuff that may appear useful to others but can’t get rid of the threatening preoccupation of running out of time.

Completely unrelated: I am not sure whom I should hate you or myself.

Mournful Celebration

2005-11-23T12:40:00.000-08:00

What did you wear? How was he? Where did you meet for the first time? Do you like him?…
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And I can’t help asking…
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And you can’t stop talking…
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But I don’t hear you anymore drowned in the obsession of losing you and confused whether I should celebrate or mourn.

Smile

2005-11-19T11:42:00.000-08:00

The witch smiles at me again!I embrace it to feel the warmth before it is driven away.

Irreversibility

2005-11-13T10:53:00.000-08:00

I couldn’t help counting the pathologies while looking at his distorted face : tangentiality, verbigeration, flight of idea…
He had definitely passed the line of irreversibility years ago and the image of him being a qualified engineer was high blurred in the mirror of time. Yet he insisted on getting the number of the woman who inspired the faintest hope of love in him.

My Forgetfulness

2005-11-09T01:11:00.000-08:00

It seems to me that the half life of my neurotransmitters is too short; so as a compensation my brain oversecretes them to maintain the plateau but finally it is fatigued and at this time I forget everything until I fetch myself a new stimulus;more colorful, more versatile. And I wonder whether this is an ability or a defect and I start thinking about the freedom of choice bestowed upon us again.

a, Parent again

2005-11-01T02:38:00.000-08:00

I am a Parent again! It was ages I’d learned to stop criticizing myself on occasions I did something not so well accepted by others and even managed to laugh at those who considered me a “joke”. Actually I’d created a safety margin hard to be trespassed by most. But it’s a while the creature inside me, thought to be eradicated, has remerged eying every little thing I do and helping itself with a full course of criticism at the slightest opportunity. But I tell you I know how to make it enter a long hibernation.

The Circle

2005-10-28T12:01:00.000-07:00

At the beginning we are at the center;we star encroaching forward and push with all our might...

Some time later,late enoguh though, we are at the center once more as if we were naild to it through a rubber band,hence the more the push the stronger the recoil.

Is there any escape from the center at all?

No Man's Land

2005-10-26T02:46:00.000-07:00

It's 49 hours 12 minutes that I have enterd No Man's Land.What did I just mention?!Does time matter in No Man's Land?Or directions,or decisions? What about orientations...